Step One – Realize that what I feel is anxiety and panic attacks – and how miserably I deal.
It has taken years for me to recognize when I am having a panic attack or feeling anxious enough to divert my course of action. I have always prided myself on not being a procrastinator, but I also did not see how many things I never even attempted because I just knew, “I couldn’t possibly do that!” Not realizing that a successful person would ask, “What will it take to become calmer and find a solution?” I have passed over job postings, absconded interviews, circumvented presentations, etc. I have not followed through on finding apartments, interviewing babysitters, investing in retirement, calling doctors. The list of activities I have avoided is endless. Apparently, Avoiding Reality Is a Dangerous Coping Skill!
Step Two – Find better ways of coping.
The life that I know and love is beginning to crumble and it is up to me to change my avoidant ways by overcoming stressors instead of crumbling with them. Typically, I would crawl into bed and wait until the storm passed. However, now that there are two offspring in the mix, it is a bit harder to crawl into bed and leave them to their own devices. When – let’s call him Batman 4, sprayed the fire extinguisher in the dining room after Robin 2 threw his fourth bowl of yogurt at the wall, I could not just ignore them and mope away.
Step Three – Set goals that I have no choice, but to conquer if I want my life to continue on a forward path.
- Be a better parent – My boys are tiny – 2 and 4 years old and I have become a nagging whining, unrecognizable Medusa who sends them into nail biting frenzies when I should be the organized put together role model whom they need.
- Get a job – a good job, a real job, to advance my career. The pandemic has coaxed me home to care for the kids, but it is time to get back out in the working world.
- Both of these goals will hopefully make me a better partner and support to my SO, who has backed me for many years in vain and to his detriment.
Immediate solutions:
Nix Coffee
I scaled back on caffeine. During the onset of COVID, I decided, I was going to be an adult and not prioritize sleep, so 2-4 cups of coffee (after not drinking any) became my daily ritual. Turns out, not sleeping well and overloading on coffee does not promote tranquility. Though, I am super sleepy after cutting back to one cup of tea a day, I have also cut down drastically on the feelings of panic that simmer consistently below the surface.
Breathe
I took up the invitations from my trusty Apple Watch to “Breathe” at certain times during the day. This also has had a calming effect. Go figure!
Sideline the Haters
I stopped speaking as frequently with the friends and family who thought they were commiserating with me, but in fact adding to my stress. I began gravitating toward new friends and old family members who helped to find ways over, around, and through the action blocking anxiety. For instance, I have told numerous people that I intend to go back to work – could not wait to go back to work! I would find a piece of myself that was not sticky. But only ONE person listened and began brainstorming how to start the job search process. The rest consistently told me that two small children were a handful and this was not the time to rush into a more stressful situation – aka job. I would get off the phone or out of those visits feeling like my goals were out of reach.
I HAVE to be like that one person and find a way to make it all happen!