Good news: Step One – Recognizing that what I feel is anxiety and panic attacks – and how miserably I deal has been mastered (or more accurately – somewhat noticed). The panic develops typically when I am trying to do anything within a limited timeframe. Searching the web for dining room chairs when one or both superheroes are sleeping, knowing they will wake up any minute, sends me into a tailspin. Speaking on the phone to my SO when he is expecting an immediate, succinct update on house renovations forces me to freeze, forget, and become tongue tied. Below I am figuring out what works and does not work to overcome this anxiety.
Sidenote
I am proud (NOT) to say that between Fight, Flight, or Freeze response, it is Freezing that I consistently practice. My mind is consistently blank. The person I was who always followed through with a promise cannot finish anything I begin and as the situations become more intense, like motherhood, moving across the country, the pandemic, the more I have frozen and dropped the ball when the game is on the line. Find out what irenelyon shows is your go-to response.
Anxiety Solutions Update
Step 2: Find better ways of coping. I anticipate testing this step in numerous ways.
Breathe
I began to rely heavily on my apple watch to time my breath or better yet, recall the breathing exercises that I used to teach my own students. With these tools, I have begun to reel myself back in. Not all the way to a calm-down-to-efficiently-finish-the-job state…yet! But a – breath, stop crying, and-sit-back-down-and-don’t-give-up-yet state. I do find that it is really easy to skip “breathing time” but there are strategic instances when taking a breath (or a few) does truly come in handy.
Un-Nix Coffee
After graduate school, I obtained a position in what I view as the beginning of my career, I began drinking green tea each morning because of the health and brain boosting benefits along with the smidgen of caffeine. My brain obviously needs something right now, so I am back to a daily green tea regiment. My favorite is Numi’s Gunpowder Green. However, I am also back to one cup of coffee about every other day. Robin is still night potty training and Batman wakes up ever so early (usually before 6 am), so the need for caffeine or more sleep is there. And sleep is generally more elusive.
Goals Recap: 1. Better Mom, 2. Get a Job 3. Rebuild relationships
- As a better mother, I have modified my schedule. I try to wake up before the kids and shower before leaving the house. (Brushing my teeth is still a novelty, but within reach!) Batman usually wakes me up right before my alarm and we go straight to the couch to read books. Most of the time I fall asleep while reading and I can hear myself talking gibberish or dreaming words that I am not speaking. Batman is not thrilled when this happens and demands TV and candy in the morning, which starts a very “relaxing” breakfast ritual (roll eyes).
- The job search is ebbing and flowing. Some weeks I apply for a couple of positions and then do not look at a description until weeks later. I have called some connections, which I am waiting to see pan out, though more focus needs to be directed at this goal. Which brings us too…
- This is too big for one paragraph. It may become a unique blog…to be continued.
…New Anxiety Reducing Solutions
Weeks ago, I jumped on to the road bike and trainer set up in our dining room. I joined my SO road biking in the Bay Area’s foothills once or twice, so I have the gear (padded shorts and clip in shoes) to look like a pro. Working out is one of the best things to get the serotonin and endorphins pumping, but a dislocated toe curbed that workout after a few weeks.
Next I joined a group called Toast Maters International to brush up my former public speaking skills. Of course, most sessions have been virtual because of the pandemic and I have only been able to log on once because of the superhero schedules. I felt great, like a professional, again! Though public speaking on a computer at home is not as anxiety inducing as it will be if I ever get to stand up in front of 20+ people.
I found an app called Elevate which helps build communication and analytical skills. It works my mind and if nothing else, I feel like I am accomplishing something when I have a few moments of open time between school pick-ups.
Lately, I have been looking into Reiki. It is a form of energy healing. I’ll report on that if I decide to try it.
Outlook: Back to Basics
This week my anxiety and panic attacks have been less. It might be that the Thanksgiving holiday has been a distraction. It could be that a very good friend is fighting COVID for his life, so every other stressful event has dimmed in comparison. However, after proofreading this post and taking some time to reflect, I do have to admit, the basics: going to bed earlier, eating and drinking a lot of water, (and I will just throw in – taking a multivitamin) has really really really made me feel more like my old, grounded self. Hmmm…
